In the opening scene from The Hopper Collection by Mat Smart, Daniel and Marjorie, a wealthy and married couple discuss their anniversary plans.

DANIEL tries to shadow box like the fighter he once was. He has a slight limp. MARJORIE enters from her side. She carries a tray with two glasses of cola.

DANIEL
I thought I’d come out here and do a little Left Left Right Right, get the blood pumping, remind you of what you’re missing – who knows, eh? Maybe get you in the mood for a little Left Left Right Right yourself…

MARJORIE
Do one of those… you know, all in a row…
(DANIEL does an intricate combination)
Oh, bravo. Bravo. Again.
(DANIEL does it again)
Oh, I like those.

DANIEL
Is it working?

MARJORIE
Not yet, dear.

DANIEL
Give it a minute.
Before you know it, you’ll want to bolt the door and forget all this nonsense and scream “Daniel! Daniel! Daniel! For The Love Of God, Daniel!”
Should I take off my shirt?

MARJORIE
Oh, Danny, you’re scuffing up the floor.

(DANIEL speeds up)

DANIEL
Grrrrr.

MARJORIE
You know, there are more civilized ways to express anger.

(DANIEL stops shadow boxing)

DANIEL
Grrrrr.

MARJORIE
Why don’t you sit down, have a diet cola, and tell me what’s bothering you?

DANIEL
You know damn well what is –

MARJORIE
There’s no need to raise your voice, Danny.
Diet cola?

DANIEL
You’re shaking.

(MARJORIE smiles and says nothing. DANIEL takes the glass, but does not drink)

MARJORIE
Go ahead.

DANIEL
(with an exaggerated calmness)
Well, dear. I had plans for our anniversary –

MARJORIE
My.

DANIEL
Your anniversary – plans a long, long time in the making – and I’m rather furious that you’ve sprung this on me.

MARJORIE
I think you’re overreacting.

DANIEL
You haven’t let anyone in here to see that damn thing in ten years!

MARJORIE
I think you’re overreacting.

DANIEL
(checking himself)
I disagree. I think I’m having a rather measured response.

MARJORIE
May I make a request then?

DANIEL
By all means.

MARJORIE
I think you should look at it, see what all the fuss is about, and then maybe you’ll have a less belligerent attitude.

DANIEL
No.

MARJORIE
Look at it.

DANIEL
No.

MARJORIE
After all this time –

DANIEL
Grrrrr.

MARJORIE
It would demonstrate such a growth.

(The word stings. DANIEL considers it)

DANIEL
I... I can’t – I couldn’t. But know that I have been working on it. For the anniversary.

MARJORIE
Well, then. I guess negotiations have failed.

DANIEL
They’re strangers! Won’t you just tell them to come tomorrow?

MARJORIE
They’re on their way, dear.

DANIEL
But why tonight?

MARJORIE
This is how I want to celebrate.

DANIEL
The gift will have to wait until next year then...

MARJORIE
Fine.

DANIEL
Fine.

MARJORIE
Fine.

DANIEL
Fine, fine, fine! I’m having nothing to do with this mess! I’ll be on my side watching the fight.

MARJORIE
Well, I certainly don’t want you growling in here.

DANIEL
Grrrrr. Goodnight, dear.

(DANIEL starts to exit)

MARJORIE
There’s cyanide in your glass.
I put it there for you. I’d like for you to drink it down.
(DANIEL holds the glass up to the light and then smells it)
And I’d like for you – after you drink it down – to keel over dead as a doornail.

DANIEL
Oh, there’s no reason you would’ve waited this long to do something so uncreative. I thought the Banana Attack was sub-par – but this – this would be hubris.

MARJORIE
Perhaps the creative part is that I’m telling you. And that you’ll drink it anyway.

DANIEL
(dismissing it again)
Just promise you’ll be good tonight and I’ll –

MARJORIE
Did you even use that right? “This would be hubris.”

DANIEL
Dear!

MARJORIE
Fine! I will try to be good, but nada guarantidos. This isn’t Sears! Nunca Guarantidos. Which one is it? Nada or nunca? Isabel!
Isabel!

DANIEL
You sent her to pick up the boy at the train station.

MARJORIE
Isabel! Mamacita, por favor!
(Pause)
There’s cyanide in your glass.
After you lose consciousness, I will burn your dead body in the fireplace.

DANIEL
We don’t have a fireplace, dear.

MARJORIE
The microwave then. One piece at a time.

(DANIEL holds up the glass)

DANIEL
To A Better Time and A Better Way. To All Things Drawn-Out and Excruciating. To Old-Fashioned Unending Agony.

MARJORIE
Oh, shut up and die.

DANIEL
To Big Business and The Dow Jones Industrial Average. To Long, Bitter Toasts. And To The Love Of My Life. Cheers.

(DANIEL drinks. MARJORIE stands in shock for a slight moment, then falls to the floor and pulls on Daniel)

MARJORIE
No, dear. I really did this time.
Please, please, please, forgive me. I really did this time.

DANIEL
Hubris.

MARJORIE
I bribed a lab technician at the – I paid a fortune for it.

DANIEL
“Come one, come all! And see – Hubris On The Floor!”
There, there. Let The Husband help you up.

MARJORIE
Leave me for the buzzards.

DANIEL
Come now. On three.

(MARJORIE lies back down)

MARJORIE
I already see them circling.
I really thought I did this time. And you were all “bottoms up.” That was quite...

DANIEL
Trusting?

MARJORIE
Unexpected. It is all quite unexpected.
(like a crow)
Ca-caa! Ca-caa!

DANIEL
You give me too much credit, dear. Cyanide has the faint smell of almond. The cola smelled of no almond. Only cola.

MARJORIE
So you’re alive?

DANIEL
Right here.